My Terms and Their Definitions...

It would be rude of me to continue to speak in the vernacular without defining the terms I use, this is a brief tutorial, feel free to add any of these words to your everyday conversations =)

Term: Bunn

(a) noun, a person who is more than a friend but is less than a girl/boyfriend; your spouse cannot be your bunn but your bunn can become your spouse.

(b) Someone you spend time with but does not quite have a label.

(c) Can also be a person with whom you have no actual contact with.

(d) A crush or someone that you find attractive in general. Bunns can also have a label such as your work bunn, or your class bunn, my roommate (whom I call Roommate) lovingly called her bunn CoreBunn because he was a cute guy in her CORE class freshman year. If you have multiple people, a label might help to differentiate.

Used in a sentence: My bunn from class is picking me up later, we're going to get something to eat. Or: There's this really cute girl at the library that I see studying all time, she's such a bunn! You will never hear: My bunn and I are going to go shopping for furniture for our apartment...why is this not correct? Because they have an obvious label if they are living together and the term bunn cannot be used. The term can only be used for introductory or ambiguous 'relationships'.

It can be conjugated by saying: Judy and Bill were all bunned up at the party...meaning they were openly displaying interest in each other. Or: James and Cindy have been talking for a long time, I think they are bunned up now...this meaning that they are openly showing that they are interested in each other outside of the confines of partying. People often flirt at parties but it is something else if they are smiling in each other's faces at the grocery store. There will be a quiz at the end, now the next term...

Term: Canoodle

(a) verb, to fool around, to make out.

This is actually a term that our grandparents used but it has changed a bit since then, I will explain: to canoodle can be anything from sitting on the sofa with someone watching a movie to hard core making out (there have been debates whether or not oral sex can be included in canoodling, I personally feel that it can fall under this category also)

(b) basically, the term means any and everything accept sexual intercourse.

Used in a sentence: He and I fed the ducks and canoodled in the park yesterday. I used the park to show that it is possible for a person to canoodle in public without being arrested; remember: the only way to know the extent of the canoodling is by the context within the sentence. Another example: He and I canoodled last night, I still can't find my bra. Well this means this is a little more than giggling in the park; nonetheless, it is still considered canoodling.

Term: Finagle, also spelled Fanagle; I prefer the latter

(a) verb, to have sex. Point blank.

(b) wherever you would place the work sex, you can place the word fanagle.

Used in a sentence: If you are going to fanagle be sure that you get tested first. It can be conjugated as such: Mmhmm, I heard that the boss and his secretary have been fanagling, I think she might be pregnant!

Now the quiz...

Fill in the blank with the correct term and conjugation.

1. "I heard John and Sarah went to a hotel last night to_____"

2. "Mr. Jamison the science teacher is so cute! He's such a ____"

3. "On Valentines Day, Sam took me on a carriage ride; it was cold so we_______ to keep warm!"

Answer:

1. Fanagle. You would not have to be in a private place to canoodle, hotel was the context clue

2. Bunn. That should have been easy. Cute is a context clue not to mention that bunn is the only noun.

3. Canoodle. This one could have been tricky. The context clue is that they were on a carriage ride, most people would not fanagle there.

These are the terms that I use. Have fun randomly plugging them into a conversation!

In My Purest Form...























It began as a simple idea. I told my best friend that I always wanted to have my picture taken, to remember how I looked before children and "life" began. She was/is dating an 'artist' who was good friends with a guy who could do them. I never thought it would really happen and I pushed the idea to the back of my mind....

A few weeks later, she brings it up again and says she knows a guy; his name: Charles Anthony Smith...now, this might not have changed my life but it has definitely changed how I see life and how I see myself within it.

I came down to Mississippi to visit my mother and I let my best friend know I wanted to meet the photographer, Charles. He and I spoke over the phone and he made me feel comfortable to the fact that I agreed to to meet him. My best friend and I were driving to meet Charles and she makes a small pit stop...to pick up her boyfriend. I had forgotten that he and Charles were such good friends (foreshadowing...). I finally met Charles, a big ol' warm southern man with wit and sarcasm in every sentence; we became cool instantly! As he set up his studio/living room for the session, I looked at his collection of books; each one dripping with doey eyed celebrities wanting desperately to break free from the confines of Hollywood royalty by way of artistic nude photography...something was really sad about it. Though I could understand where they were coming from, I was feeling good and I hoped my pictures didn't turn out as heart wrenching and exposed. I looked around the house and saw his work...better yet, I experienced his work. He had had the ability to make anything and anyone beautiful and amazing. He took a seemingly average woman, one who you would pass on the street without a second glance, and made her seem interesting...even appealing..."Yes, I'm ready for my close up..."

He asks me to sit on a stool in the middle of the room surrounded by awkward camera equipment and background drapes of all colors and textures. He focuses the camera and takes a couple of introduction shots, just to see if everything was in working order. All the while telling of his day as if we were old friends! "Okay," he said, "take off as much as you feel comfortable..." I began to remove my wrap skirt and top; I look up and see that my best friend's boyfriend is there...gawking...

This put me in a sticky situation...I personally couldn't have cared less who saw me nude...after all I am taking these pictures for an artist and there is no telling what exhibit these could end up in, and honestly, I have nothing to hide. It was just that he is a bit creepy to me...and I don't feel that my best friend was secure in her relationship with him to have him watch me in the nude...not to mention I've only met him a couple of times-none of which I enjoyed. I couldn't comfortably ask him to leave the room because he is an "artist" and it would be presumptuous to think he was looking at me outside of the confines of art. Even though, that was the first time I ever met Charles face to face he didn't give off that "Chester the Molester" kind of energy...he was playful, laid back and professional. What made it worse is that as I'm sitting there, with flashbulbs popping and sizzling, my pupils dilating and shrinking...I could make out the eerie scene of my friends boyfriend staring at me and deeply caressing her shoulder...Even now I shudder in disgust...

A year later, before I left for another shoot with Charles, my mother gave me a beaded belt, scarves, and bracelets from her own collection...have fun, Baby was all she said as she walked into the kitchen. She always understood my thirst for random experiences. The pictures shown here are of the second session and needless to say that time was even better than the first. It was just Mr. Smith and I: he played music, talked about nonsense, and laughed...I felt in control, at peace, and totally relaxed...it was just me, me in my purest form...

BabyFace...huh...?




BabyFace moved back to the East Coast about two weeks ago. A couple of days ago Babyface and I were texting on the phone and he asked me to send a picture of my face over the cell...no problem. Afterwards he's being very expressive (mushy) and saying things like "Oh, you look beautiful" so forth and so on... Of course there is nothing wrong with that but there was nothing fantastic about the blurry mess of a picture that I sent him. Big whoop. Anyway, he proceeds to send me the following texts verbatim..." I didnt tel u this b 4 but u had me starin at my phone walkin down 42nd..." he then texts..."4 real ma u sexy as hek i dont c how u dont c or admit 2 it" I'm thinking umm, that's nice. He then texts, "I remenis alot bout our meeting at klub kompound alot n even take a good stare at da 1st pik u sent n da 1st pik we took.Smile" mind you, these texts are coming back to back, "4 real ma i got krazy luv n respekt 4 u. Ever since day 1. It spooks me out 2 c u go da distance 4 me? ma i appresheate it all" This text confuses me a bit, I don't know what distance I went to but I responded with a thank you or something like that; he then sent, "Trust ma these piks u sent are krazy n yes da best iv seen in a long time u look not only fierless but sessyer then a magazine. I promise..." I didn't think it was all that great...no, I know it wasn't all that great and I don't know where these surge of complements are coming from; he then sends, "Kind skared of u ma. U taste look smell n feel good. Im just gonna say one day ma one day..." I text back a laugh (haha) and let him know that "that day" will more than likely never come...he then texts, "Yay! I luv da kurent [Blue] as she is!" and then..."I hope u kno im slightly in luv w u ma im lookin at ya piks 24/7" and then, he sends the clencher..."U got luv 4 me?"

Ummm...now I'm going to tell you (like I always do) exactally what was on my mind at this moment...I didn't understand the question first of all. He and I are friends and everything and we kicked it pretty hard, I will admit that and he is a great guy (obviously) but I didn't think that that comment warranted a response..."U got luv 4 me?"....so I pretend that I didn't hear the question and said something along the lines of: "Huh?! I didn't hear you, could you text a little louder?!" and other silly things like that...needless to say, he didn't find this amusing to say the least. He kurtly texted back: "nevermin"Damn! I did it again...I asked my cousin what I should of done and of course she looks at me like a one celled organism and responds..."Say you love him back?! Duh! 'Nuf said!" Yeah, but of course I couldn't be that blase' about it. That's my dogg and I didn't want to lead him in the wrong direction...I eventually text back "Come on, what do you think?!" implying that of course I have endless love for you darling...without really having to say it. He says "I don't like to assume" I hate it when people say that...without assumptions, we wouldn't get out of the bed every morning! So, I went overboard..." I have unrestrained, unbound, uncompromied, tangible, exploding love for you my love, my heart, my life... =) " or something like that. What was his response, you ask...you guessed it "nevermin"...sigh!! Well, I tried, I'm not saying it and he has to deal with it.
He eventually got over it and we are just as cool as ever but the whole thing made me think...Why can't I just...say it?! Was it because it's not what I feel or is it that I'm a punk? For some reason, I'm leaning towards the latter. I don't think I have the emotional fortitude to say I love you to anyone of the opposite sex outside of my family in a romantic sense...whew! Reflection without a mirror is exhausting...

Truly Happy

My sister got married the day before yesterday. It was beautiful and delightfully overwhelming! So much was going on that it boggled the mind! She was beautiful, it was beautiful...a wonderful wedding. Afterward I sat thought about my relationship with my sister...She and I have been insepearable since my birth. We are about 3 years apart and just like my oldest sister, we have all been best friends. When she and I decided to move in with each other my junior year, it was an interesing experience. I saw my sister, working hard in medical school, all the while keeping a long distance relationship afloat; no easy task! She drove me up the wall like only a big sister can and I dreamed of pushing her down a flight of steps...if you have an older (or younger) sibling, you would understand! I prayed for her wedding to come, and I tell you it couldn't come fast enough! It was a slow grueling proccess that I wanted to end as fast as possible...MARRY HER ALREADY! I would hollar into the phone whenever her fiance' would call. As it drew nearer, I would mentally salivate with the idea of all of my older siblings being married off, in turn, leaving me alone. The day finally came and it was an explosion of colors, lights, and love! A party to end all parites...so much fun! I went outside with er to help her pack all of her gifts into her new husbands car and I realized that she wasn't coming back home...wait a minte! She's not coming back home?! The girl that I had been attatched to the hip with for 23 years was leaving me...she and I had slept in the same bed for 6months before she was married, just because she wanted to...two grown women...

I sit here with the house quiet, no television, no micowave humming, or her yelling for me to come look at something on television...silence...yes, it's golden but it would gleam even more if she were here to experience it with me...

Baby Face...Why I think He's great...




I met this guy a while back at the Spelman/Morehouse Homecoming. I was at a club and the night was drawing to a close and he approached me for the last dance. I look up and he had a small childlike face, cornrows and desperate eyes...who let this little boy in here?...we danced and he seemed nervous. The song ended, we spoke for a while and I found out he was from New York (eck!) and he asked for my number; I honestly thought he was a child and didn't want to be bothered but he was so polite I had to oblige. While I'm talking to this boy his friend apporaches and randomly begins to rub my stomach, it was odd to say the least. The friend was obviously drunk so I asked him to stop and I let it go and walked away, no harm done...

Another guy came up and asked for my number, we spoke for a moment and I thought he was a more fesible bunn because he actually lived in Nashville and attended TSU while Baby Face stayed in Atlanta, three hours away...

While I stood against the wall taking the picture you see here and being accosted by my friend in the back to hurry up, Baby Face reappears ( I now notice he's tipsy) and asks for my name again because he didn't put it in his phone...my friends, who came to the club with me, all chuckle and say...you robin' the craddle ain't you, Blue? I agree, but I tell him my name again not thinking he would catch it because he was a bit drunk.

Fastforward to later on that night...I get a call on my cell phone, I thought it was the guy from TSU, come to find out it's Baby Face...we end up talking for 5hrs and only stopped because the sun was good and up and my phone died... Needless to say I never spoke to TSU but I have spoken to Baby Face everyday since...

Off top, he was not a guy that I would have picked out of a crowd. I've made it clear that I like my guys to be a bit rough around the edges, that might be my immaturity; Baby Face is neither rough, nor does he have edges! He is definitely not a guy I would have noticed in a crowd on any given day but overall, he's attractive, I believe I'm attractive, but we wouldn't make an attractive couple! He is not a steryotypical masculine guy: he doesn't watch sports, he's not big into video games or cars, he holds THE best conversations, and adores his neices. He is a hard worker, he is hilarious, he is polite (he actually met my sister...), he is a great dancer and loves reggae just like me, he understands the importance of family and wants to have children, he is patient, and surprisingly sexy...scary right...? If you have been following along, you would have read my previous blog about when I start liking people and how I fight the process like the plague. With him, I'm sort of letting it wash over me a little more, I can definitely say that he is making the process much easier. Like me, he is always looking on the bright side of things and that is refreshing...I despise people who complain about their blessings. Anyway, I like him, he likes me (I think) but I know it won't really go anywhere. First of all, I'm a weirdo about relationships and won't allow myself to go there...Second he lives too far away and I don't feel like fighting through the jungles of a long distance 'something' or other...Third, I'm a clubber, he's a partyer. The difference is that a partyer likes to go out, drink maybe even smoke and other social things; a clubber goes to a club (club hops) dances and goes home...fourth, he is not the most avid church goer. He mentioned out of the blue that he feels like he needs to go back to church, this is obviously a good thing, he just hasn't made it there yet...I'm trying to be patient...And lastly, he has, let's say, been around the block once or twice. He informed me that he has never told anyone how many women he has been with and never will, that's a little odd to me. He has a lot of female friends and you can tell off top he has had his share, though he is humble and extremely modest. He claims that people look at you differently once they know your track record and he doesn't want anyone to look at him that way. He also says that it's immature to count and it minimalizes the 'experience'... Whatever. He knows where I am and Ifeel he should share the same with me. Anyway, like I said, I like him but I know it's not going to progress; I keep telling my self this but I don't think it's sticking...and if it's not going anywhere, why do I care about issues one through five? *sigh*...you tell me...

Birthday-apalooza-explosion-extravaganza-supreme-champagnesupernova-delux...





...Is the proper name for the start of my 23rd year on this earth. I had put a lot of thought into my birthday and I wanted it to be a good one. As you can see from my last blog, my goal was to have a supurb pair of jeans for the occasion. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I just couldn't find those jeans. I ended up wearing a skirt and was definitely satisfied with the result.
We went to the club (The Caribbean Hut) and it was wonderful! My oldest sister was able to sneak out away from her adhesive babies and come to the club with me. I've been going to this place for years so it's always fun to see people's reaction when it's their first time. My friends and I danced the entire night and it was great! We were in a pool of sweat, spilled drinks, and muffled shout outs from the DJ. I'm a hard and intense dancer so there's no telling what bodily harm I imposed on unsuspecting partyers, who cares it was my night! My sister enjoyed watching the Sean Paul background dancer wannabees poplock wiggle and ripple across the dancefloor. She clapped her hands like an excited three year old and I cracked up at her reaction. I was amused at how she, the once most dedicated cluber that had ever walked the earth watched the crowd from the sidelines in amazement. Hoping she was having a good time, she reassured me that she was rusty from not being out in such a long time but would soon join me and my friends on the floor. She kept her word. Within a few minutes the classic "Flex" came on and it was a wrap! All screw-faced and serious she sauntered onto the dancefloor and did her thing. It felt like circa 1998; back when your biggest worry was how you were going to be sneaked into the club. I wish my other sister had been there to officially complete the set: As I watched this beautiful mother of two, I remembered my other sister and how we would all dance in front of the mirror and choreograph dance moves...! I felt nostolgic, it was a wonderful night! I couldn't have asked for a better birthday!

Jeans...the never ending dilemma...



Applebottoms...BabyPhat...Fetish...even, J.Lo... I don't understand it! My birthday is quickly approaching and all I have wanted is a nice pair of jazzy jeans and shoes... not much to ask for, right? Wrong! I would have had more luck searching for people in the Bermuda Triangle. I have heard many women with the same issue as I have: "My jeans fit in my hips and thighs but are huge around the waist"...I feel you. Or it's..." the jeans fit well enough but I would like to wear low rise AND not have plummer booty!

I can relate to both of these issues as well as having most jeans fit me like capris! My problem is a combination of things. I am tall and can usually slide by with a 34" inch inseam but I have been on the hunt for Brazilian jeans (these jeans fit to the point where it looks like you are wearing a pair of blue stockings with pockets attatched and the feet cut out... no, seriously!) and since the crotch of the jean is more fitted, it appears that the inseam is shorter; simply put, I need 35-36" inch inseam. Again, this is easily said than done. Now, my butt isn't ginormous but it is the largest mass on my body! I was watching Oprah and she was raving about Applebottom jeans. I'm thinking Great! About time they made some jeans for people with more than a crack in their back... let me go and try these bad boys on! Y'all...I don't know if it was a bad day or if the planets were out of alignment...horrible fit. Of course they were too short, most jeans are, but I was expecting something magical to happen to my butt...nothing... I mean come on! They are called Applebottoms!! They were just tight all over, they didn't give any room for a sizeable butt. I tried different sizes; the larger sizes were too big in the thigh. I went to the website and thought, Okay, these girls don't have big butts... they barely have butts at all! Nelly's butt is bigger than this girl's!... such a disappointment. They could have been in an abercrombie ad, no difference. I refuse to believe that I am the only person in the world who is not digging these jeans. I figured Eve is pretty bottom heavy maybe her jeans will do the trick...Hey, everyone was riding J. Lo's butt for years! Maybe she's made some jeans that will fit!... I even went to BabyPhat...mind you, I absolutely hate overtly namebrand clothing: A big Tommy across my chest, a rhinestone cat curled on my right butt jean pocket, a brown purse with LV's all over it...eck!! It's shameful! I have looked on eBay and all over the internet, to no avail. I might just end up wearing a skirt or something and call it a day...